In my experience there are two settings that people can be in, I don’t know if everyone experiences these two feelings but I certainly do. As a person I am very black or white, on or off, one way or the other. This applies to almost everything, especially the rules that I have created for myself. I have personal unwritten rules that I haven’t consciously chosen, some of them come from society and others just come from how I feel when I do _____. Here are some examples of these rules: I should not eat junk food, I should be physically active, I should make friends, I should read books that will make me smarter, I should not lie, etc… These are just a few of the rules that I have subconsciously set for myself that determine how I let myself feel.

If I think about my subconscious rules some more I can see that they are on levels, the examples I have listed above are all on the same level. A much deeper level may contain things that I must never do if I am going to feel good about myself. I must never hit a woman, I must never take the life of another human being, I must never rape someone, I must never hurt a child. I think we all have these rules, whether we recognize them or not, they keep us from doing things that would drastically change our lives.

As we have talked about the importance of self-disclosure in this class I have thought a lot about these rules; I’ve been able to recognize, at least a little bit, how these rules effect how I feel. If I eat too much I’ve noticed that It is harder for me to socialize with other people, subconsciously I tell myself “you haven’t been keeping you rules, you’re not prepared to interact with other people, they will look down on you. On the other hand if I do well on an assignment from school I’m told “you have done well, nothing can stop you. You have a great future” Hearing this from myself influences all aspects of my life in a positive way, for a short period of time after hearing this voice I really do feel unstoppable. I feel like I could achieve anything.

After reading all this you are probably wondering what this has to do with self-disclosure. What it comes down to is this: The two settings that I mentioned at the beginning of this post are happy or sad, empowered or overpowered, obedient or disobedient. I feel one of these two feelings depending on how well I have kept my rules. Self-disclosure has helped me a ton this week because it has helped me to recognize that this is how I function. Before self-disclosing I was somewhat unaware of controlled how I feel; now I know that I control how I feel based on what I expect from myself. I’m still not sure if my current system of rules is good or bad, but now I a more aware and I can begin making that decision.

The second question we were asked to answer is “Why is vulnerability critical to that authenticity?” and to be honest I don’t know; I have thought about that for a while and I don’t see a connection. Maybe it is how vulnerability influences the decisions that we make. When I feel vulnerable I am more likely to do something drastic to become invulnerable again. I suppose this could lead to increased authenticity but I also think it could lead to increased hiding and lying. For example someone who is embraced because they don’t like the way they look may feel vulnerable if someone tells them that they look terrible. This could cause them to react by telling the person the truth that they think they look terrible as well, or it could lead them to try to fight back, they may respond by saying “I look better than you” or something else like that. I may be missing the point of this whole question but based on my current understanding this is how I feel.